What difference does it make if I am in the pain threshold or not! What difference does it make if I would be high up there or down in the restless fields. No it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Nothing takes my desire to high up or down below. What is important is that I know very well what I am doing. Over these past years I have well come to the understanding that I know where I stand. Sex, politics and thousands other turbulent don’t bother me anymore. Opposite sex and uproars don’t move me anymore. It doesn’t make a difference whether I have a gun in my hand or get naked and make love. It has been months that I have only observed. Years have gone by and during all these minutes, months and years I lost and forgot myself immersed in the dust of amnesia, but these days I realised that I have not wasted my life. I have not wasted my time in vain and have not passed roads without a reason. All and all, these have been priceless experiences. Making love, jail and solitude, I have no fear and regret from the past. All have been reserved in my soul to save me in my rainy days. I have held my heart in the palm of my hand with all my fears and anxieties. I have left everything behind to find myself. It has been a long time that I have cleared my memory archive from all the dust and soil. It has been a long time that I don’t think about anything hollow anymore. It has been long months that I have drowned myself in the everyday life incidents. I have become an ordinary person. I laugh at daily joys and challenge useless anxieties. I think about every single values of my life and handpick them without obsession! What is important is me and my thoughts. It doesn’t matter if they are out of stupid selfishness or maturity and pride . When it gets dark, I turn on the light, when sun sets I turn the light off. I drink water when I’m really thirsty; I use anything in order when I need them. I observe every tool in my life carefully and clear the rust off them. I have become disciplined. I put everything back in their place after using them. The first rule in my solitary life is discipline and it calms me down. I am not frightened of anything or anyone. I have become extremely conservative. The solitary life has taught me not to bother anyone or anything, not to make enemies, live my life peacefully and spend the rest of my life smoothly and softly. Simplicity has filled my life with all its volume and I have my heart to it. I am neither after any cage nor a castle. I want a small cottage beside a calm and quiet lake and a fishing boat, one credit card and a lovely job. That’s all and if possible a love-making without expectation and nothing else.
Translated By Bahar Nasiri
Read more: http://hadikhojinian.blogspot.com/2010/06/solitary-life.html#ixzz1Sp5hi9AK
